my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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