I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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