ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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