you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm like, not good at living.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
