She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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