I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
