The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
