Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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