He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
