Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
