She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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