Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Did you just see the Batmobile???
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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