I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Green mimosas i think yes
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
