I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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