whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I feel like a drive thru vagina
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize
