I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
