Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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