So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
