I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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