you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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