Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
