I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
