I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
