She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
And then he peed in my hair
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