K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Randomize
