Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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