Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
