Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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