if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
