No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
