final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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