I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
