Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
