You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize