After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
