Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
