She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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