apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
