i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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