no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
