You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
