You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize