My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
MIDGETS
????
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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