My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
