You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
