They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
