Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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