im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
