WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize