i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
