as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
