You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
