I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
