I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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