The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
