How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
