just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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