I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
