I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize