idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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