If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
