Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
