Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
