the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
