oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
