Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
