cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
