I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
