Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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