i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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