you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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