I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
