Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
