I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
