He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
