Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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