Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
