I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
