FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
