Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
