So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Randomize
