some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
