On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Everyone says I win the strip club
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
