Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
