Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
