There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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