I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize