So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
