hotel room ftw
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
