OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
