Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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