I'm sorry my penis didn't work
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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