she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
