I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
She announced her abortion via fbk
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Randomize
