it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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