Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
