i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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