He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
